What is a Death Café?

A Death Café is, basically, a group of people who gather in a café to eat, drink and talk about death and dying.  Sound a bit weird?  Possibly so, but as a society it seems we’ve lost the ability to talk about death and we avoid the topic if we can.  This might sound a perfectly reasonable thing to do – everyone just wants to get on with living, after all – but for people who have to confront their own death or confront the death of a loved one, the chance to discuss their feelings and fears can be a great source of comfort.  It can also resolve a lot of anxiety and anguish for their family.

Do you talk about death and dying to your family?

When did we lose the ability to talk about death openly?  It’s not clear precisely when this happened, but in days gone by, when life expectancy was lower, before advances in medical science, in times of war etc we would have lived our lives surrounded by death.  We would have to talk about it, plan for it and deal with it.  However, these days, we’re generally healthier and living longer and it wouldn’t be strange to reach our 30s, or even 40s, before experiencing the death of a loved one.  As a result, we have lost the experience of death and we have “outsourced” talking about death to medical or religious people, such as doctors, nurses and priests.  Within our own families, death is a taboo subject and anyone bringing the subject up will usually be quickly shushed.

A recent article in the Guardian discusses this same topic:

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Do we need to talk about death?

It’s clear that not talking about death within families and within society generally is causing anxiety and anguish for our elderly loved ones and then, when a death happens, it causes anxiety and anguish for those left behind.  It doesn’t have to be like this and we could avoid a lot of anxiety and anguish if we discussed death more openly and we were less squeamish talking about our loved ones dying.  This is why Death Cafes are such a good idea.

Death Cafes have been around for most of the last decade, but I first heard about them at one of our recent legal clinics at a retirement home.  One of the residents was there with her daughter who was visiting from Australia.  She was a carer for the terminally ill in Brisbane, she mentioned Death Cafes and how popular they were and said that for the person facing death it was the only way they could talk about what they were experiencing.  My initial reaction was that it sounded like an awkward and morbid thing to do, but every one of the elderly residents thought it was a brilliant idea and wished they could go to one and bring their adult children.  A common theme for them was that they had faced the thought of their death, they had processed it and were at peace with it, but they could not discuss this with their adult children because the children found this too upsetting to talk about.  They all agreed death had to be faced and discussed and planned for and this involved the whole family.

Another article from the Guardian gives more details about Death Cafes:

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Where can I find a Death Café near me?

There are more than 2000 Death Cafes in the UK so there will be one near to you if you think you would benefit from going.  We would be more than happy to help you find one so please call us and we will make some enquiries for you.

How do I plan for old age and death?

The growth in the numbers and popularity of Death Cafes shows clearly that discussing death openly is wanted and needed by many people and it can give peace of mind and comfort to the whole family.  To shy away from this difficult conversation inevitably causes anxiety and confusion.  It also means that very few people plan their deaths which can lead to more upset and anxiety.  Only 40% of the UK’s population has a Will, a lower percentage still has a Funeral Plan and less than 10% of people have put a Power of Attorney in place in case there is a time when we cannot make our own decisions in relation to our health or finances.

How can Leech & Co help?

We help our clients with Wills, Funeral Plans and Powers of Attorney so that they have a full end-of-life plan in place for when the time comes.  This ensures that both our clients and their family have peace of mind knowing that the future is planned, prepared and paid for, that all financial and legal matters have been discussed and dealt with and that loved ones can simply enjoy their time together.  This can bring a great comfort to the whole family.

Can us now on 0161 749 9000 or click here for a free, initial discussion about any aspect of this article.  We can also assist you with finding financial advice for long-term planning.

We are more than happy to chat through your worries and concerns and plans and advise you as to the best way forward.

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Your Will is not just about your assets. Your Will can also confirm your wishes about all sorts of other things, from who do you want to be guardian to your children to who will look after your pets to what songs you want to be played at your funeral.

Also, you simply cannot know how much you will own or how much you will be worth when you die. You may have a few hundred pounds now, but by the time you die you may have much more. It’s amazing how much stuff we can end up with – you just don’t know what we will have in our life, but you need to say which loved one you want to have it when you die.

You also need to consider that you may not have much in your lifetime, but there may be sums that are due to you when you die, for example pension payments, death in service pay-outs, insurance payouts, compensation etc. These can all be taken into account in your Will and distributed in accordance with your wishes.
It is not only you that you need to consider when thinking about a Will. After your death, it will obviously be a difficult and upsetting time for your family and loved ones. However, even if you only have a bank account with a few hundred pounds in it, having a Will in place makes this time a little less stressful for your family and loved ones because they know exactly what to do to make sure you wishes are carried out. After the death of a loved one, it can often happen that the family falls out over who gets the smallest amount of money or a relatively trivial item, such as the toaster or a picture. A Will takes all these arguments away because you have made your wishes clear.

A further issue to consider is what you want to happen to your body after your death. If you have clear wishes, make sure you state them in your Will. This will make sure your wishes are carried out, but also will avoid your family falling out about it when you die.

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You really can’t be too careful or afford to wait for too long – nobody thinks their house will flood, but everyone has house insurance just in case. Why would you not get a Will?

It’s sadly true that not everyone lives to a good old age. If the worst happens earlier in life, and you haven’t made a Will, then your property, possessions, money and even your children may not go where you would wish. The older we get, the more we tend to think about what will happen when we’re gone, but it’s dangerous to leave these things to the last minute. What if by the time you think it’s the right time to make your Will, you are no longer able to do so?

People think Wills are only for older people because ‘older people need to think about these things’. This is true and older people definitely do need a Will, but so do younger people. Younger people may be busy with work, their day-to-day family life, their social life etc and so don’t, or don’t want to, consider what would happen in the worst case scenario. A lot of people put off doing a Will because they think it’s morbid or tempting fate or they simply don’t realise how important they are and don’t think they need one.

However, it is younger people, especially those with young children, who perhaps are most in need of a Will. This is so they can confirm who will care for their children in the event that both parents die when the children are under the age of 18.

A Will is not just to take care of children. Any person with a property, money or any possessions at all needs a Will to detail their wishes on what should happen to these things when they die i.e. to support their partner, parents, siblings or friends, a charity, an organisation etc.

If you don’t make a Will then your estate, no matter how small, will be decided by the rules of intestacy and the final outcome may not be what you intended. For example, if you have a partner and are co-habiting, but you are not married or in a Civil Partnership and your assets are held separately, your partner will not receive anything in the event of your death.

Sadly, we don’t know how long any of us have. Wouldn’t you rather get your affairs in order so you family don’t have to sort them out when you’ve gone?

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Ideally, every adult should have a Will as we all have something we leave behind – children, money, a house, a body! Everyone over the age of 18 should definitely make a Will.

You should make a will if you have a property or assets, if you want to leave something specific to a named individual, if you have family who rely on your financially and, maybe most importantly, if you have young children.

A Will can cover everything from child care arrangements and pet care, all the way up to the handling of your bank account/s and digital assets. If you want full control over what happens after you have died, you must start to think about your Will now.

Many people wait until they have bought a property, or had a child to make a Will, even though the Intestacy Rules rarely do what people think or what they want. A Will makes sure your assets go where you want, not where the law thinks they belong.

Wills can also be updated at anytime, but having one in place as soon as possible means that your assets, whether big or small, will pass to your loved ones and your wishes in relation to your children can be carried out.

If you already have a Will in place but your circumstances change you should review your Will to make sure it reflects your wishes. You should review your Will when you have had a significant change to your circumstances. This could be; children, marriage, Civil Partnership, co-habiting, property purchase, new relationship, divorce or a separation, inheriting money or property, losing money or property or even winning the lottery. Changes to your circumstances can make your Will inadequate or invalid.

*The only exception to this is if you are under the age of 18 but are a soldier on active duty or a sailor at sea – in the circumstances, you can also make a Will. Also, if a person lacks mental capacity, then a Statutory Will may be made for them. This involves an application to the Court of Protection. It is definitely a good idea to do this if the Intestacy rules would produce an outcome which the person would not be happy with.

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